History of Cheese 🧀

Dylan Jardon
Dylan Jardon
3 min read

Hey cheesehead,

Are you alone?

Good. Lock the door.

Now come close, and watch me spread something.


You like that? That’s my hottttt grilled cheese 🤤

Okay, unlock the door.

Because today, we gotta figure out the story of all this gooey goodness – CHEESE 🧀

But to do that, we gotta first dust off the old time machine.



Still hitting on your mom, huh.

What about the hot tub guys?

Ya, okay dude…really crushed it with the sequel.

Wait, look over there…

Ms. Frizzle!

The Magic School Bus!

Let’s jump onboard.

Okay, bus—do your stuff!

So it’s the Fertile Crescent, 8,000 BC.

That’s a long time ago.

Like so long ago we haven’t yet invented writing, metal, or even money.

But what do we have?


Goats are awesome.

We use ‘em for meat, leather, and uh….


Milk is a magic udder sauce chock-full of proteins, fats, and minerals — perfect when all 5 million humans on Earth are starving.

But Anu notices something…

Anu gets busy.

But during the business, his goat milk gets blasted by the sun.

So after a few hours, it begins to sour — and Anu returns to this…

A weird reaction happened…

The proteins clumped together forming…

Ya, delicious cheese.

See these yellow globs are a miracle food.

Not only can you eat them as a fresh curd or spread — but they also give you a HUGE survival advantage.


  1. No lactose – Lactose is milk sugar. Old humans were lactose intolerant, so drinking milk would give them a tummy ache…no good. But the bacteria that turn milk into cheese EAT the lactose. So now we get all the nutrients without pooing our loincloth.
  2. Storage – You can easily preserve cheese for hard times like winters and famines. No die = happy.

But today, death is less of a concern.

Our hard times are going to Whole Foods and deciding if we should buy aged brie or smoked gouda for our Charcuterie board.

So thanks for the tasty picnic, Anu 🙏

Crush Ass,

Dylan & Henry 🌈

P.S if you enjoyed this lesson, forward it to a friend.

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P.P.S Click below to watch Why Banana Candy Doesn’t Taste Like Bananas 👇


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