Why Can’t Dogs Eat Chocolate? 🍫

Henry Belcaster
Henry Belcaster
3 min read

Morning doggo!

Surely you’ve celebrated a birthday with a significant other.

Just you two.

The mood’s right.

The lights are low.

You bust out your local grocery store’s triple-chocolate-fudge-cake-delight.

This chocolate cake is so rich and decadent, it will make your taste buds sing. The cake is made with the finest dark cocoa powder, and it is so moist and fluffy, it will melt in your mouth. The frosting is made with real Belgian chocolate, and it is so thick and creamy, it will make you want to lick the plate. And the ganache drizzle is the perfect finishing touch, adding a touch of sweetness and richness. This cake is so good, it will make you want to eat the whole thing in one sitting. But be warned, this cake is not for the faint of heart. It is pure chocolate indulgence, and it will definitely satisfy your sweet tooth.

Sorry that was ChatGPT.

But wow. sex.

So you each have a slice.

It’s a fatty flavor bomb in your mouth.

Oh my gosh.

The cake, it’s…it’s–

–It’s making your whole body feel things you didn’t know you could feel.

Things like being hit by a truck full of rainbows.

You and your partner sprint to the bedroom.

This experience calls for one thing and one thing only: hanky-panky.

The half eaten cake?

Well she’s all on her lonesome. Naked & afraid on the kitchen counter.

What’s that over there?

Oh no.

It’s your pug: Counter-Surfing-Cooper

He smells that sweet ChatGPT Belgian chocolate. Blood in the water.

Paws up, ass down — surfs up, Coop.

In practically one inhale the chocolate cake vanishes.

Straight down Cooper’s gullet.

You come downstairs butt naked to find…

Ya Cooper’s dead.

He ate a ton of chocolate cake.


But what gives? Why can’t dogs eat chocolate?

Well let’s learn a little chemistry together.

Chocolate contains 2 compounds that we humans love, but your dog can’t digest.

  1. Theobormine [thee-oh-broh-mine] – the thing that gives chocolate its delicious bitter taste.
  2. Caffeine – the thing that apparently all of society agrees is okay to consume together even though we’re all just hopped up on Speed going about our days interacting with each other on…ya know…drugs.

Both of these things are stimulants.

And stimulants are a molecule that increases activity in your central nervous system – the body’s command center.

Imagine a mission control that takes in information from the world, then moves your muscles, which tells your heart how fast to beat and your lungs how much to breathe.

Stimulants cause all of that stuff to go faster.

Stimulants are technically toxic.

So when you ingest stimulants, your liver wants to unleash enzymes to break them down.

If it didn’t, the stimulant would stay in your body for a long time and cause all kinds of crazy runaway problems (hint hint..).


In the case of theobromine and caffeine, here’s what happens:

You eat a piece of chocolate cake.

Theobromine and caffeine go from your stomach to your bloodstream.

Once in your blood, your brain slurps the stims up.

Sh*t goes haywire.

The Theobromine and caffeine in your blood end up at your body’s last line of defense: The Liver Castle.

Your liver unleashes its archers – an enzyme called CYP1A2.

CYP1A2 gets into a battle with the stimulants, neutralizes them, and puts them in body bags to ship off to your kidney.

You pee ‘em out.

So what’s the problem?

Well dogs don’t come with much CYP1A2 in their bodies. Especially small dogs (that’s why poison control will ask for your dog’s weight when you call in emergency).

Just look how much CYP1A2 I have compared to a chihuahua:

So when a dog eats chocolate, the theobromine and caffeine stimulant can just run away in their bodies.

There’s no liver troops to fight it.

And what happens when stimulants run away in a dog’s body you ask?

Uncontrolled vomiting, seizures, and death.

Cut it with the urgent hanky-panky, and put your chocolate cake in the fridge.

Stay Cute,
Henry & Dylan 🌈

P.S if you enjoyed this lesson, forward it to a friend.

If you’re that sexy friend, subscribe here.

P.P.S Click below to watch the chocolate video 👇


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