The Great Emu War 𓅦

3 min read

Morning Emus!

So the year is 1932, Australia.

A huge portion of the country at the time lives like this:

Basically, just planting shit and waiting for it to grow.

These farmers have 3 major problems right now:

  1. Australia’s soil SUCKS for growing stuff.
  1. There's a great depression going on, so literally everybody’s broke.
  1. The most pressing of the 3 issues… a LOT of Emus!

Now, for those of you who don't know what Emus are, here take a look:

Basically, they are just tanks with legs.

And they go about the place eating, trampling and shitting on farmers' crops.

This makes the farmers super pissed, so they go complain to the Australian Government.

And the government comes up with a perfect solution… Murder.

So, they put this guy in charge:                                          

And they gave him 2 soldiers, 2 light machine guns and 10,000 rounds of ammunition.

On paper, this sounds like a piece of cake.

But no, no, this was not a piece of cake.

Turns out, Emus have tactics.

Here’s what happened:

So the crew went out to go and slaughter a bunch of emus for the first time.

They found a large group of them and started shooting.

But most of the emus just scattered into little groups and ran away.

Making it impossible to kill more than 1 or 2 small groups.

Even if you do hit them, they’ll just keep on running.

The second time they waited until the emus were a bit closer, but then the gun jammed, so again, most of the emus just split up and ran away.

This is when they decided to mount their machine guns on vehicles to try to chase them down.

But the truck they used just wasn't fast enough to keep up with the emus and the terrain was so bumpy they couldn't aim for shit, so they were just spraying everywhere.

And once again, most of the emus got away.

At this point, they had used 2,500 of their 10,000 shots and only killed 300 or so Emus.

Which isn't a lot, considering there were at least 20,000 Emus said to be roaming the outback.

At this point, they were like:

Then the farmers were like:

So the crew kept hunting down Emus until eventually they ran out of all the ammo.

Once they had used up all their shots, they only had 986 confirmed kills, that's like 10 bullets just to kill 1 Emu lol.

And because there were so many Emus still alive, the Australian government literally gave up and surrendered.

The Emus won the war!

Stay Cute,
Reece, Henry & Dylan 🌈

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